Signs It Might Be Time to Try Therapy (Even If Nothing Is “Wrong”)
I'll admit it right from the beginning: I'm biased.
I believe in therapy. I go to therapy myself. And if you asked me, I'd probably tell you that I think most people could benefit from having a space like that at some point in their lives.
I think of it as eating my own cooking.
If I were making a meal for everyone else and telling them how important it was to eat while I sat there with an empty plate, that would be pretty ridiculous.
As a therapist, I don't want to tell other people that therapy can be helpful while never making space for my own growth, relationships, healing, and self-understanding.
Therapy has been life-changing for me in ways I couldn't have imagined when I started.
It hasn't always been amazing, either.
I've had therapists who weren't a good fit. I've had experiences where I took what was useful and left the rest. I've been in different kinds of therapy at different points in my life, and what I needed at one point wasn't necessarily what I needed at another.
I've probably worked with five different therapists over the past 15 years.
The therapist I'm working with now has been the best fit I've experienced. The relational, somatic, and attachment lens has been particularly meaningful for me, and it feels very aligned with how I understand myself and the work I do.
So I don't think there's one right way to do therapy.
And I don't think therapy has to be something you do only when things are falling apart.
Sometimes life is hard and you need somewhere to land.
Sometimes life is actually going pretty well, and you find yourself wanting to understand yourself a little more deeply.
Sometimes you keep running into the same patterns and can't quite figure out why.
And sometimes you just want a place where you don't have to take care of anyone else for an hour.
So, how do you know when it might be time to try therapy?
You don't have to be in crisis to start therapy
This might be one of the biggest things I wish more people knew.
You don't have to be falling apart to start therapy.
You don't need a diagnosis.
You don't need to have one big, obvious problem.
And you definitely don't need to prove that you're struggling "enough."
Therapy can be really helpful when life is hard. When the ground underneath you feels like it's crumbling and you're trying to figure out where to put your feet.
But it can also be helpful when things feel steady and sturdy.
Actually, sometimes that steadiness gives us the room to do a different kind of work.
When the ground is crumbling underneath you
There are seasons when therapy is mostly about getting your footing back.
Maybe you're grieving.
Maybe a relationship ended.
Maybe you're burned out, overwhelmed, or going through a major life change.
Maybe parenting has brought up more than you expected.
Maybe you're anxious all the time and don't really know how to get out of that loop.
Sometimes the work is pretty simple: how do we make things feel a little more manageable?
How do we create some more ease in your system and in your life?
What has helped you through hard things before?
What skills do you already have that you've forgotten about?
And what might you need to learn now?
Sometimes you need someone to sit with you while you're figuring out what comes next.
I don't think that kind of therapy is somehow less important than deeper work. Sometimes getting your feet back underneath you is the work.
That's enough.
When things feel steady and sturdy
This is where I think therapy can get really interesting.
When you're not in survival mode, you may have a little more room to get curious about yourself.
This is where I think about the attic.
Maybe there are things up there you've already dealt with. You sorted through them. You put some things in boxes. Maybe you labeled them and decided, "I'm not opening that right now."
And honestly, sometimes that's exactly what you needed to do.
But the boxes are still in the house.
When life feels more stable, you may have the capacity to open some of them and look at what's inside.
Not because you're broken.
Not because you need to dig endlessly into your past.
But because when we have a little more safety and space, we can sometimes understand ourselves differently.
We can notice where our reactions are coming from.
We can recognize old patterns.
We can have a little more choice about what we do next.
And sometimes we discover that something we thought was just "who we are" is actually something we learned a long time ago.
That's pretty powerful.
You might want to know yourself better
One of the biggest things therapy has given me is a deeper, more intimate relationship with myself.
And that has given me more freedom.
I've noticed it in my relationships.
I've noticed it in how I parent.
I've noticed it in how I sit with clients.
I have a wider canvas to work with.
I think we sometimes underestimate what can happen when we know ourselves more fully.
When we understand our patterns.
When we can recognize an old response showing up in a new situation.
When we can stay connected to ourselves while also staying connected to the people we love.
When we can pause before reacting.
When we can make a choice instead of just doing what we've always done.
That kind of self-knowledge tends to follow us into the rest of our lives.
You keep finding yourself in the same patterns
Maybe you keep thinking, "Why does this keep happening?"
The same kind of relationship.
The same argument.
The same difficulty setting boundaries.
The same tendency to overfunction, shut down, avoid, people-please, or become overwhelmed.
Sometimes you can understand something intellectually and still not be able to change it.
I think that's a pretty good reason to consider therapy.
Not because there's something wrong with you.
And not because you need someone to tell you what to do.
Sometimes we just can't see certain things clearly from inside our own experience.
Having another person there can help.
Especially someone who can get to know you over time and help you notice the things you might otherwise miss.
You're going through a change
Transitions are another time when therapy can be really useful.
Some changes are painful.
Some are exciting.
And a lot of them are both.
A new relationship. A breakup. Becoming a parent. Changing careers. Moving. A shift in identity. A new stage of life.
Even good things can stir us up.
Sometimes a transition makes us realize that the way we've been doing things doesn't quite work anymore.
Therapy can give you somewhere to slow down and process all of that.
You can ask questions like:
Who am I now?
What do I actually want?
What am I carrying with me?
What am I ready to let go of?
And maybe my favorite question:
Who am I becoming through all of this?
Therapy doesn't always have to be about getting back to who you were.
Sometimes it's about getting to know who you're becoming.
You want to grow
You can be doing pretty well and still want to grow.
You can love your life and still want to understand yourself better.
You can have good relationships and still want to become a better partner, friend, parent, or human.
You can be proud of who you are and still have places where you want to stretch.
I don't see that as a problem.
I see it as curiosity.
Therapy can be a place to follow that curiosity.
To uncover resilience.
To question some of the beliefs you've carried around.
To try something different.
To become more authentic.
To have more freedom.
To see what happens when you give yourself permission to become more fully yourself.
Therapy doesn't necessarily have to have an end date
I think this is worth talking about because there can be an assumption that therapy is something
Frequently Asked Questions About Starting Therapy
Do I have to be struggling to start therapy?
No. You don't have to be in crisis, have a diagnosis, or have one big problem you're trying to solve. Therapy can be a place to work through something difficult, but it can also be a space to understand yourself better, work on relationships, navigate change, or simply get curious about yourself.
How do I know if it's time to try therapy?
There isn't really a magic checklist. You might consider therapy if you're feeling overwhelmed, noticing the same patterns over and over, going through a major life change, struggling in a relationship, or finding yourself wanting to understand something about yourself more deeply.
Sometimes the reason is simply, "I think I'd like some support."
That's reason enough.
Can therapy help if my life is going pretty well?
Absolutely.
When things feel steady and sturdy, you may actually have more room to get curious about some of the things you've been carrying. Therapy doesn't always have to be about fixing what's wrong. It can also be about knowing yourself more fully, strengthening your relationships, and having more freedom in how you move through your life.
What if I don't like my therapist?
That's important information.
I've had therapists who weren't the right fit for me, and I don't think that means therapy isn't for you. Sometimes the approach doesn't resonate. Sometimes the relationship doesn't feel right. Sometimes you need something different at that point in your life.
Finding the right therapist can take some time. You get to pay attention to how you feel with someone and whether you feel like you can actually be yourself with them.
How long do you need to be in therapy?
There's no one right answer.
Some people come to therapy with something specific they want to work on and stay for a shorter period of time. Other people find value in a longer-term therapeutic relationship.
I've worked with clients for three years and counting, and I really value that kind of ongoing work. Life keeps changing, and sometimes it's meaningful to have a therapeutic relationship that can change and deepen with you.
Therapy doesn't have to have a finish line.
Danielle Morran, Virtual Counselling Services in Alberta Morran Counselling - Virtual Counselling Services in Alberta Virtual Counselling Services in Alberta
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