Reclaiming Self-Compassion: A Path to Healing and Growth

Somatic Attachment Therapy can support self compassion

You Can Be Kind to Yourself: Here’s Why Self-Compassion Matters

Have you ever thought about being kind to yourself? It might sound simple, but for many, self-compassion feels unfamiliar—almost radical. Learning and growing, whether personally or professionally, is rarely smooth. As I stretch beyond my comfort zone, self-doubt can creep in and make me question my abilities. But these moments of discomfort aren’t failures; they’re signs of growth. The key to navigating them is self-compassion, not self-criticism.

Personal Growth: A Unique Journey for Everyone

Personal growth is unique to each of us. Just as plants grow in their own ways, we each experience growth differently, influenced by our histories, communities, and available resources. This means there is no single “right” way to heal or grow—it’s a deeply personal journey.

In many cultures, healing and self-compassion are shared experiences, cultivated through relationships with ancestors, communities, and the land. Colonialism imposed an individualistic, productivity-driven mindset that often equates worth with achievement. Decolonizing self-compassion means rejecting the belief that we must earn our value. Instead, many traditions remind us that worth is inherent—passed down through generations and rooted in community, not defined by oppressive systems.

A friend once told me about a pivotal moment in her healing journey. Someone said to her, “You know you can be kind to yourself.” At first, it felt shocking—something she had never considered. But soon after, she realized, “Yeah… I can be nice to myself.” She had internalized the belief that kindness had to be earned rather than freely given. But in that moment, she understood that self-compassion was her birthright.

What is Self-Compassion?

At its core, self-compassion means treating yourself with the same care and understanding you’d offer a close friend. It’s about recognizing that struggles, mistakes, and setbacks are simply part of being human.

Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion identifies three essential elements. While her framework is widely acknowledged, many cultures have long practiced self-compassion in ways that emphasize collective healing and community care. These practices highlight the importance of shared wisdom and reciprocal support.

Three Core Elements of Self-Compassion:

Self-Kindness: Being gentle with yourself, especially during setbacks. Instead of being self-critical, self-compassion promotes a nurturing inner dialogue.
Common Humanity: Recognizing that suffering and imperfection are universal experiences. When you practice self-compassion, you understand that everyone faces challenges, so you’re not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness: Being present and nonjudgmental about your feelings. Mindfulness encourages observing thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or trying to suppress them.

While these principles offer valuable insights, many Indigenous and non-Western traditions approach self-compassion as a communal practice. It’s not only about how we talk to ourselves but also about how we allow ourselves to receive care from others and honor our ancestral wisdom.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

Practicing self-compassion offers lasting benefits for your well-being. It’s not just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about creating a foundation for resilience, growth, and deeper self-trust.

Less Stress, More Ease: Self-compassion helps ease the weight of stress and anxiety, allowing you to approach challenges with emotional balance.
A Stronger Sense of Worth: Unlike self-criticism, which erodes confidence, self-compassion nurtures a steady sense of self-worth that’s not based on achievement.
Resilience Through Challenges: When setbacks happen, self-compassion helps you recover more quickly. It encourages seeing failure as part of the learning process, not a reflection of inadequacy.
Emotional Balance & Regulation: By fostering emotional acceptance, self-compassion allows you to acknowledge difficult feelings without letting them control your actions.
More Meaningful Relationships: The way you treat yourself shapes the way you connect with others. Practicing self-compassion naturally extends patience and kindness to those around you.

If self-compassion feels difficult, you’re not alone. Many of us were never taught to be kind to ourselves, but it’s something we can learn—especially with the support of therapy or cultural practices.

The Role of Somatic Attachment Therapy in Building Self-Compassion

For many, self-compassion isn’t just a skill to learn—it’s a deeply embodied experience shaped by early relationships and nervous system patterns. Somatic attachment therapy helps us explore how our body holds relational wounds and offers a path to shifting the internal beliefs about ourselves and others that shape the way we relate to ourselves.

In therapy, self-compassion isn’t simply taught—it’s experienced. Through attuned presence, warmth, and co-regulation, a therapist provides a reparative relationship where clients can feel safe enough to soften self-criticism and internalize new, more compassionate ways of being. As the nervous system learns to receive kindness and care, self-compassion becomes not just an idea, but a felt sense in the body.

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Many cultures have long understood that self-compassion is nurtured through collective care, ancestral wisdom, and relational safety. Whether through therapy, ritual, or community support, self-compassion grows when we are met with presence, attunement, and the recognition of our inherent worth.

Therapy Space — Beautiful art in the Riverwest Therapy Collective Space

Practicing Self-Compassion in Daily Life

Being kind to yourself isn’t indulgent—it’s necessary for growth, healing, and well-being. If this idea feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Like any skill, self-compassion can be learned and strengthened over time.

In many cultures, compassion is woven into community care, storytelling, and connection to the natural world. Instead of viewing self-kindness as an individual task, you might explore it as part of a larger web of relationships—including ancestors, the earth, and the wisdom passed down through generations.

Here are some ways to practice self-compassion that honor diverse healing traditions:

🌿 Pause and breathe with the land. Take a slow breath in, noticing the presence of air, earth, or water around you. Let the land support you as you soften into the moment.

🤲 Offer yourself warmth through touch. Place a hand on your heart, belly, or another place that feels soothing. Some traditions use self-holding practices as a way to reconnect with safety and comfort.

🗣 Speak to yourself as part of a lineage. If a dear friend or elder were struggling, what words of care would you offer? Imagine those words coming from a loving ancestor, guide, or community, and allow them to reach you.

🎶 Engage in rhythmic healing. Many cultures use song, drumming, and movement as ways to regulate the nervous system and cultivate self-compassion. A simple hum, rocking motion, or gentle rhythm can help bring a sense of ease.

If self-compassion feels challenging, that’s okay. Healing thrives in connection. Whether through community, ritual, or therapy, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Support is always available to guide you toward a more compassionate way of being.

So, what would change if you truly believed you were worthy of your own kindness? Maybe today is the day to begin.