You’re Not Too Much: Reclaiming Needs After a Lifetime of Feeling Dismissed

Danielle Morran
Jun 16
3 min read

Have you ever been told you're too sensitive? Too emotional? Too needy?

Maybe not in words—at least not directly. But in a sigh, a blank stare, or the subtle shift of someone pulling away. Maybe you learned it through silence, or through always being the one to adjust, smooth the edges, or keep the peace.

If you’ve grown up feeling like your needs were “too much,” it makes sense that you might start to believe they are. Over time, it can feel safer to tuck parts of yourself away than risk being ignored, misunderstood, or left behind.

That shrinking may have protected you once. But now, it might be keeping you from feeling truly alive, like a wildflower trying to bloom in too-small soil.

People-Pleasing: A Survival Strategy, Not a Flaw

People-pleasing is often misunderstood as a personality trait when in reality, it’s a nervous system adaptation—an inner bending toward safety when relationships feel uncertain.

It develops when love starts to feel conditional: Be easy, and I’ll stay close. Be agreeable, and I’ll stay kind.

If your caregivers, teachers, or partners responded to your feelings with impatience or distance, your body may have learned that softening your needs was the only way to stay connected.

This isn’t a flaw. It’s wisdom. A protective root system that helped you survive. But sometimes those same roots can keep us tangled and stuck, even when the danger has passed.

The Cost of Being “Easygoing”

For many of my clients, the most exhausting part of burnout or anxiety isn’t the feeling itself—it’s the constant effort to hold it all together. To be the sturdy one. The calm one. The one who never asks for too much.

Living this way can feel like walking on a tightrope between being “too much” and not enough. It creates a disconnect from your inner compass—your real wants, limits, and preferences.

But those parts of you—the ones with longings, discomfort, big emotions—are not problems to fix. They are the weather patterns of your inner world, guiding you toward what matters most.

Healing doesn’t mean becoming less sensitive. It means learning to tend to your sensitivity like a garden: gently, consistently, and with respect.

Reclaiming Your Needs, Gently

If this feels familiar, you are not alone, and you don’t have to uproot everything at once. Reclaiming your needs is slow, seasonal work. Like spring thaw after a long winter, it often begins with soft noticing:

What am I feeling right now?
What do I need in this moment?
What might it be like to share that with someone safe?

In therapy, we often begin by simply learning how to notice our needs without judgment. We explore the protective strategies you’ve developed—like people-pleasing, overthinking, or staying silent—and we begin to honor the intelligence behind them.

When we approach these patterns with warmth and curiosity instead of shame, something softens. It’s like the nervous system begins to exhale. And in that space, something new can take root.

Making Room for You

Your needs are not a burden. They are a compass. A signal from within that says, This matters. Expressing them is not selfish—it’s relational. It invites deeper connection, more honesty, and more room to be fully human.

You don’t have to keep contorting yourself to be palatable. You don’t have to shrink to be loved. You are allowed to take up space, to speak your truth, and to be met with care.

Like any living thing, you thrive with sunlight, space, and room to stretch. You deserve relationships where your full self is welcome.

Ready to Begin?

If this resonates, you don’t have to walk this path alone. Therapy offers a safe and steady space to untangle old patterns, reconnect with your needs, and relearn how to feel at home in yourself.

If you’re ready to begin the journey of unlearning, reclaiming, and remembering who you are beneath the shrinking, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. You are not too much. You are just enough. And your needs belong here.